Some of us grew up reciting prayers. Whether they were verses from the Bible that were handed down to us or our own prayers, we found ourselves repeating them at meals or before going to bed. They became a comforting tradition. For others, prayers were offered up only during a time of great need. We expected God to show up when we needed Him.

What we don’t always realize is the point of prayer. Prayer is not designed to be a ritualistic endeavor that leaves us disconnected and unable to truly encounter the fullness of God. Prayer is to be a dynamic conversation with a living God who wants to see our hearts open to receiving all He has for us.

Just like with friendships, where conversations deepen as we cultivate the relationship, a conversation with God needs the same attention. Unfortunately, most overlook this reality. According to a 2005 study conducted by The Barna Group, when asked how well one lives out his or her faith principles, 37 percent of people said they do an above-average job, 55 percent claimed to be average, and only 8 percent admitted to being below average. “Americans are generally satisfied with being ‘average’ in their spiritual maturity,” George Barna says. “That betrays the fact that we do not serve an ‘average’ God, or one who is honored by people who are lukewarm about their faith.” So what’s really holding us back from maturing in our prayer life? How can someone who’s never prayed, or someone who’s drifted away from God, begin to take his or her faith in a new direction?

Stepping Out in Faith

Alice Smith, author of Beyond the Veil (Regal Books), explains, “The problem isn’t the Lord holding back from us, but our willingness to press in to have more of Him.” There’s usually a tug of war going on inside of us when it comes to our desire to pursue God. Taking that initial step is the greatest struggle for many, often due to fear, doubt or rebellion. We must be willing to believe that God will respond. Sometimes prayer is like stretching a rubber band. When facing resistance, we must work to achieve a breakthrough.

Samie Greig, wife of Red Moon Rising co-author Pete Greig, says, “Prayer is always awkward. I find it a bit like exercise—it always feels like [there are] a hundred more things that are pressingly urgent to do, especially with kids and jobs and deadlines, but you know that when you do it, you feel fantastic and actually achieve far more.”

We achieve more because prayer helps align our priorities. Threaded throughout the Bible is God’s call to be in relationship with us. It’s a truth many overlook, but Jeremiah 29:12-14 says, “‘Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord” (TNIV). This passage says it loud and clear: God cares. That truth, paired with our obedience, creates a powerful dynamic.

Rick Warren, best-selling author of The Purpose Driven Life, writes, “It is only in God that we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and our destiny. Every other path leads to a dead end.” Recognizing who we are in Christ is the first step to realizing the role of prayer and understanding that it is central to living out the Christian faith.

When we embrace the reality that faith is not based on ritualistic traditions or legalistic dogma, a beautiful thing happens. We begin to notice a depth that is not dependent upon “acts” but centers on a spiritual interaction with God. Prayer becomes a reaction to a realization of God’s continuous presence. We don’t have to invite Him to show up. He’s already there.

Tricia Rhodes, author of Intimate Intercession (W Publishing Group), says, “Praying without ceasing is really about relationship with the Lover of our souls, not about something we ‘do’ to be healthy Christians.” She believes it’s about establishing a pattern of being real with the Lord and talking with Him throughout the day, even when we’re concerned about our family, work or whatever’s going on in our lives. “As we find the time just to be with Him, we will become more at ease in communing throughout the day.”

Strength Through Prayer

There are no formulas to prayer—you can’t mess up. When you begin to make yourself aware of God’s presence, you engage with Him in many different forms—through thought, words, song. And when you bring things to God, you begin to understand that He takes center stage, that you cannot function properly without Him. Prayer is also a tool that strengthens your spiritual life and emotions. “Slowly I saw God start to rebuild my life and give me strong and real foundations,” Greig says. “He lifted me out of the pit. He set my feet upon a rock. This was a promise and a prayer. God was starting to build tenacity in me—for Him, above all else.”

When we are familiar with the Bible, we can apply God’s wisdom and truth to our lives. Hebrews 4:12 explains that “the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword … it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (NIV). Oftentimes people struggle because they feel that God isn’t speaking to them. They feel lost and overlooked—but they’re not. Consider what it’s like to take an exam. If you show up to class without studying the material, you are unprepared and unable to answer the questions. But when you have studied, the answers come more easily. It is the same with prayer. If we go into life unprepared, we are bound to become lost and beaten down. The beauty unfolds when we study what God says and allow Him to guide us through life with the Truth we already know. When we make the effort to actually listen, discernment helps us live in a godly and purposeful fashion. Our monologued prayers become dialogue between God and us.

Prayer for Others

You may have heard the saying “A family that prays together stays together.” As our understanding of prayer deepens, we begin to see how intimacy with God overflows into our relationships with others. James 5:16 illustrates how our prayers influence the lives of others: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (TNIV). Sometimes the most intimate moments with friends are those spent in prayer for one another, because it softens our hearts while allowing us to be transparent and willing to embrace each other in love. Aligning our hearts with God’s heart enables us to see our sins. And a willingness to humble ourselves leads to understanding and reconciliation. It’s not always easy, but when we give our struggles to God, our self-centered walls quickly fall down.

Similarly, encouraging others in prayer yields immeasurable results. Greig, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor a few years ago says, “I have discovered the power of prayer … There have been times when people have prayed for my family and me, and we have felt and known and experienced the impact.” Although she underwent a successful surgery, resulting damage left her with epilepsy. We don’t always understand God’s response to our prayers, but we must trust Him and do our best to remain faithful. “I don’t really know how you handle unanswered prayer,” she says. “I guess when you go through tough times, you just handle them! Pete and I were told so many times, ‘You are coping so well,’ when we were dealing with the possibility of my dying. The fact is, you can’t prepare for tough times, you just deal with them when they happen—and when times aren’t tough, celebrate.”

God’s will for us is to be well, and His desire is for us to play a part in lifting one another up. Stepping out in expectation for His provision creates a beautiful chance for us to learn to trust and grow in Him.

Quiet Time

Prayer with others is powerful, but sometimes more intimate interactions with God allow us to focus our attention on what He wants. Hollie Carney of the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Mo., offers the following suggestions for facilitating time with the Lord:

• Make a schedule and stick to it.
• Read, study and meditate on the Word of God.
• Vary your style (e.g., a chapter a day, organized Bible studies,
“chewing” on a verse for long periods of time).
• Journal—this allows you to focus and avoid distractions.

Keep Pressing On

As with anything, stagnancy can set in if we don’t change things up. Routine is the breeding ground for stale spirituality. Greig explains, “I’m always having to find new ways of praying in order to keep moving on and growing in this new way of communicating myself, my spirit, my thoughts, my feelings and also to learn the biggest lesson, which is enabling myself to be still enough to listen to God and to hear His voice.”

It is important to know that intimacy takes on different forms for different people and should not be controlled by the opinions of others. It’s up to you, through your own passions and creativity, to embrace God in ways that are uniquely yours. For some, God speaks through visions. For others, He speaks through thoughts, dreams or impressions. When we do not limit God, we open the door for Him to enter.

“Prayer isn’t a job; it’s a lifestyle,” Smith says. The way we experience God should never be routine. We must be creative. We must step out and challenge ourselves, because comfort only brings complacency.