My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer five times. That’s right, five. The last time was in May of 2020. A year or so before that, she moved closer to my family, which was a great blessing, allowing us to gather in her home weekly for brunches, dinners, celebrations or just quick hangouts.
A few weeks before her last diagnosis, she called me over. The pandemic had recently begun, and the world was in a frenzy. My own job had been slashed to part-time, and my then-boyfriend (now husband) was hardly allowed out of the house because of the military restrictions he was under. While at work, my grandmother messaged me saying she wanted to get my opinion about something. My mind spiraled. Had there been a new development related to the pandemic? Was something concerning happening in the family? I didn’t know what to expect and felt a little nervous driving to her house. When I arrived, large cardboard boxes took up most of the living room, and packing materials were scattered on the floor.
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The matter she required my assistance with ended up being decorative pillows that had arrived in the mail. Which combination of pillows did I think best fit her outdoor furniture? I couldn’t help laughing to myself as my grandmother very seriously showed me the different options, commenting on the potential she saw in each one. Everything had been turned upside down, but here was my 80-year-old grandmother seemingly unconcerned with anything other than decorating her patio.
Seeking rest and refuge
My grandmother had a difficult life. Her father passed away in an airplane crash when she was 7 years old. Her mother was left to provide and worked while attending college to make ends meet. Grambo (as my siblings and I called her) was left to take care of her brothers and take on many of the house responsibilities while her mother worked outside the home.
Later in life, Grambo endured an incredibly painful divorce from my grandfather, which I truly believe haunted her for the rest of her life. Then the cancer diagnoses began: breast, eye, lung, breast again, and then bone cancer, which in the end took her life.
I’m sure these difficulties, combined with her gifts of understanding aesthetics and design, prompted her to seek rest and refuge in whichever home she resided in. Grambo had several houses over the years I knew her. Each one was beautifully and intentionally arranged with care. Grambo would take my sister and me to fabric stores and have us pick samples of our favorites to “train our eyes.” She often had classical music playing in the background. She even helped my mom design my bedroom when I was in high school. She introduced me to her favorite Catholic artist and gave me a print of his, which is now framed hanging on my bedroom wall. Fostering beauty was her love language to the world.
Throughout all this, my grandmother took little interest in trends. Her motive was never to impress her neighbor or outdo someone else’s living room. She cared about a beautiful home because she wanted rest, and because she saw it as an opportunity to glorify God and love those around her.
The answer to ‘beauty fatigue’
Where does that leave us? Sometimes I experience what I call “beauty fatigue.” I see curated picture after curated picture in magazines or online of homes that are perfectly arranged, wildly expensive, and 100% unattainable. Even more “relatable” influencers seem to have improbably immaculate designer homes.
It can be discouraging when we look at our rowdy toddler or shoestring budget and think that our own homes will never measure up. Or perhaps we feel guilty for even wanting a beautiful home, worried about being materialistic or selfish.
Something my grandmother understood, which I would like to posit in response to this, is that beauty is transcendental. In other words, it points us to God. God is truth, goodness and beauty. Therefore, that which is beautiful is in some way a reflection of God himself. While we should not worry about having the trendiest, most photogenic homes that will make the Joneses jealous, creating a beautiful home can be an act of love and help us experience God in our daily lives and those of our families.
Some design tips
If you want a beautiful home that will point you to God and be a sanctuary for you and your family without financial stress or taking part in the detrimental comparison game, here are a few simple tips:
1. Find inspiration in unlikely places: Instead of looking to the latest version of Veranda or your Instagram feed, think about looking to other sources for inspiration. A beautiful church, your favorite vacation spot, a historical home, a movie, the work of artists you appreciate, or even older design books. This will help you understand what you truly think is beautiful versus what Pottery Barn wants you to buy.
2. Vintage, vintage, vintage: Every piece in our home, with the exception of our bed and our couch, was bought second hand either from Facebook marketplace, thrift stores, antique stores or estate sales. Even our couch was bought at half-price from a furniture store going out of business. It’s better to build a home slowly, finding pieces here and there, than getting into a mountain of debt to buy it all at once brand-new.
3. Keep it simple: I am not a minimalist by any stretch of the imagination. However, I have come to realize that for any item that comes into our home, I am ultimately responsible for cleaning, organizing and keeping track of it. This means the less inventory there is, the easier my life becomes. It’s okay to be particular about what you keep in your home — even if that means donating well-meaning gifts to Goodwill.
4. Prioritize quality: With an absolute abundance of online shops and Amazon next-day delivery at our fingertips, it can be hard to pause on an impulse buy. The pair of shorts that only cost $27 dollars or the rug that is 70% off are all too tempting. These cheaper finds can have their place, but overall quality trumps quantity by a landslide. Take your time with purchases, and read reviews if buying online. Trust me, it’s worth waiting and saving for something that will last.
Consider your home a refuge from life’s stresses and difficulties as well as a place where you and others can encounter Christ in the way of beauty. That is my grandmother’s legacy.