Every evening around the world, Catholic families kneel together and pray the beautiful prayer of the Rosary in peace and joy.
Meanwhile, other Catholic families kneel together and pray the same Rosary while toddlers whack each other with wooden strings of beads, teens roll their eyes and pray in a huff, and middle children pick their noses pensively, totally undisturbed by the chaos around them but also not really praying.
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The first example represents our ideal of the nightly family Rosary. It does happen, and it is one that most families can work toward over time, using a variety of tricks and techniques over the years as their children grow. However, it is also the case that sometimes families in the second, less-than-ideal-Rosary category are so discouraged by the experience that instead of persevering, they simply give up.
And so the family stops praying together at all.
What if I were to tell you that there is an alternative to either just biting the bullet for years on end or giving up? What if you could actually say family prayers in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling frustrated or inadequate?
Here are three alternative forms of family prayers.
1. Night Prayer
One of the “Hours” of the Divine Office, Night Prayer, also known as Compline, is a relatively brief arrangement of readings, prayers and hymns that is ordered toward putting our hearts at rest for the night. It is slightly shorter than Evening Prayer (which would also be a good option to consider) but slightly longer than the version of Evening Prayer in the “Magnificat” (also an excellent choice). In addition, because this type of prayer has varied parts and is not the same from day to day, many children find it easier to attend to and tolerate than the long repetitions of the Rosary.
You can even pray Night Prayer as a family in the kids’ bedroom just after tucking the littlest ones in bed but before turning off the light, making it into a bedtime blessing that children will associate with coziness and warm goodnights. What better way is there to teach our children to think of God as Love?
2. Create-your-own evening prayer
When my husband and I realized that the Rosary wasn’t going to work for our family in our present season, we asked ourselves, “Of all the devotions and elements of our faith besides the Mass, what do we most want our children to know?” Our answer was: the Gospels. So we created our own short, nightly family prayer service around the Gospel reading of the day.
Since we also want our children to know a variety of hymns by heart, we begin these evening family prayers by singing a beloved hymn together. Then either my husband or I reads aloud from the Gospel, and we pray as a family for our extended family, godparents and godchildren, and friends. Then each person has the opportunity to offer an intention or two of their own. Next, we say an Our Father, a Hail Mary, a Glory Be and the Eternal Rest prayer. Finally, we read the day’s Collect and recite the “Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake …” prayer. That’s it! This routine takes 10 minutes at the very most, but it covers some pretty important bases without deteriorating into stress and misbehavior (most nights, at least!).
You could do something like this, too, but organize it around whatever is most important to you. If Marian devotion is at the center of your spirituality, for example, you could sing the season’s Marian antiphon together and say the Memorare. Or if you love the Angelus, you could say that together every evening and then add on the readings of the day or your own personal intentions.
3. The walking prayer
If your children’s wiggliness is the main source of frustration during your family prayer time, consider adding movement to your prayer time for a season. You could try praying aloud while going for a family walk, for example. You can still insist that everyone be quiet and pray along with you, but don’t insist that they not jump on that tree or run ahead. Have them carry their rosary or a prayer sheet if you like, but don’t sweat the details. They may in fact take it in better while they are moving, even if they don’t look like angel-children at the moment. Or you can try walking to a place where you can all sit down on the grass or a bench to pray together. The fresh air and having just used your bodies may help the whole family pay better attention while sitting still; and then you can enjoy the walk back, as well.
Alternatively, if the weather is awful or you prefer to stay at home, you can still provide an appropriate way for young children to move while you are saying your family prayers. They might like to line up crocheted roses to represent each prayer of the Rosary as it is said, or you might establish a nightly saint picture coloring time at the table while Daddy reads the Bible or some other spiritual reading aloud. Be creative and think of things that will not distract them from the prayers but are better suited to their bodies than kneeling still (don’t worry, they will still have to practice that at Mass, so you’re not letting them off the hook!).
In other words, if you are struggling with family prayers, don’t be tempted to despair and just give up. God wants you to come to him as a family in prayer, but he is not picky about how you do it — he just wants you. The Church in her wisdom offers us the freedom to choose our devotions because we are all different people, and yet we all need help drawing closer to God.
The point is to pray, not to pray “exactly perfectly right.” So take another look at your family prayers and ask yourself: What can I do to make this experience not just one of (rightful) obedience, but also one of relative peace and growing joy? I am sure you can find a way.
