“The greater and more persistent your confidence in God, the more abundantly you will receive all that you ask.”
— St. Albert the Great
Do you ever feel afraid to ask God for big things? Or maybe they’re relatively small things that mean so much to you, but in this great drama of life, those precious desires etched onto your heart feel so insignificant?
If this is you — same, sister! Same.
The confession I needed
I had nursed this belief for a while, struggling with the crippling belief that the things I desired were not for me. This was compounded with the realization that when I fell prey to daily irritations, I was clearly too invested in everything around me, rather than being truly recollected on God and living in his peace. My focus was overwhelmingly on the negative. It negated my hopes and became preoccupied with annoyances at the things that were not going my way.
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I took these stumbling thoughts and frustrations to confession, anticipating to receive words on ego and selfishness. However, the priest said: “You are God’s daughter, and he is a good Father. Like any good father, he cares about everything troubling your heart. Even if you feel ashamed of their insignificance.” Ever so grateful for the box of tissues in the confessional, I was gobsmacked. God is closer to us than we are to ourselves. And loving us into existence, he desires our salvation. He wants us. So whatever is going on in our day and whatever hopes we have, he is there ready for us to bring them to him, wanting us to bring them to him. Yes, we are little and incapable of even less, but he loves our littleness.
That confession helped me to see I was limiting God, denying his abundance and the unique fatherly love he has for each of us. In doing so, I was pushing God out of my trials and away from precious hopes. Afraid of bothering God — as if he was unable to handle my little trials — I convinced myself I could handle anything on my own — a wildly nonsensical outlook stemming from my own brokenness.
It’s humility and childlike love that enables us to say yes and to invite God into everything that we do, think and endure. Just like my daughter, who can excitedly pluck a weed and run with joy to show me, confidently knowing I will not turn her away, we too should run with everything — weeds included — to God.
When we start to do this, God can freely take our offerings, and scoop us up in his love and lead us home.
As St. Teresa of Ávila reminds us, “God is full of compassion and never fails those who are afflicted and despised, if they trust in Him alone.”
My healing through birth
Before my son was born, I battled so many fears surrounding birth. My journey to motherhood had not gone as planned, from loss to a challenging first birth. So many fears consumed me as I prepped for this new child.
There were nights I’d cry at the unexpected painful memories of the past. And there were nights I’d hug my daughter extra tight as I put her to bed, feeling an indescribable fear surrounding what the future could hold.
But through my trepidation, God cared.
He is and was closer to me than I am to myself.
It took a deliberate act of trust and constant surrender, but I slowly began to pray anew, to try and reorient my view. I’d bring God my every worry and every hope for this birth. Slowly, little miracles seemed to fill the days leading up to birth — precious moments reminding me that God was listening, and he was not going to abandon me.
And so, my son was born. While birth is always quite a journey, peppered with the unexpected, I felt an intense surge of healing with his arrival — a promise that God will not forsake us. We are the ones who push him out, not the other way around. He loves us so perfectly and infinitely. Like my OBGYN reminded me, “In the Bible, everyone Jesus heals first had total trust in him. They believed he would heal them.”
Months have gone by, and as I am out on my walk, little ones in tow, the negative melts away. Life still has its frustrations. It’s crosses. There is probably a colossal list I could compile of things that “don’t go my way.” But all that pales in comparison to the love and goodness of our heavenly Father. And so, like a little child, as each day begins anew, I too begin anew and turn to him, sharing my heart in confidence and trust.
