If Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour has any lasting impact for non-Swifties, it’s the marking of different seasons of life as eras. For women with parents in the baby boomer generation, who make up nearly 20% of the population at 65 million people, we are rapidly approaching our second daughter era. Or you may call it the Ruth era.
As our parents and older-relatives age into older-adulthood, we are now called to care for the elderly as they once cared for us. The Catechism of the Catholic Church explicitly tells us that we must give our parents “material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress” (No. 2218). Where the Fourth Commandment to honor your father and mother previously called for our obedience and respect to our parents, as grown children, we are now called to become responsible for them.
Our feminine gift as caretakers
It is no secret that women have a natural affinity as caretakers, especially for our parents, as numerous studies suggest that daughters are twice as likely as sons to care for an elder. This affinity has biblical roots in the story of Ruth, who embraced the burden of honoring and caring for her mother-in-law, Naomi, when the men of their family passed away. Ruth promised Naomi, “Wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16).
Intergenerational living and support
The Catechism tells us “respect toward parents fills the home with light and warmth. Grandchildren are the crown of the aged. With all humility and meekness, with patience, support one another in charity” (No. 2219). For most of history, grandparents, parents and children lived together in one home. Places comparable to nursing homes would have been reserved for people who had no one to care for them, i.e. the destitute and wretched.
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Intergenerational households are a beautiful thing that not only nourish the souls of the aged, but also bring wisdom and love to the young. If inviting our parents to live with us is not an option, we can still express our piety by showing up for our older loved ones in other ways. We can join our parents at a doctor’s appointment to help ask questions and guide health decisions. We can opt to help pay for a home health aide or a cleaning service that will alleviate some tasks that become burdensome in older age. We can encourage them to participate in group exercise classes at the local gym, where they likely receive a discount, so they can both move their bodies and meet new people. We can encourage our older-relatives to formally express their wishes for their lives and, ultimately, deaths by designating a health proxy, making arrangements and estate planning. Ultimately, we can walk more closely with our parents as their lives begin to slow down.
Most importantly, we can help bring the light of Christ to our parents by being a source of strength during a time of change and, often, tremendous isolation. We can pray with and for our elderly, reminding them that we are there for them and care for them.
The caretaker’s reward
Scripture tells us what lies ahead for children who honor their father and mother: “Those who honor their father atone for sins; they store up riches who respect their mother. Those who honor their father will have joy in their own children, and when they pray they are heard” (Sir 3:3-5).
Caring for the elderly can be a challenge if not an opportunity for sainthood. Our older relatives may refuse our help or become somewhat burdensome if we’re already pressed for time and resources, especially when we’re already caring for littles. It can become emotionally exhausting to enter into this phase of life with our relatives, one that could cause great emotional distress and resentment.
The catechism tells us that those who observe the Fourth Commandment will be rewarded: “that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you. Respecting this commandment provides, along with spiritual fruits, temporal fruits of peace and prosperity. Conversely, failure to observe it brings great harm to communities and to individuals” (No. 2200).
Upholding the Fourth Commandment to honor thy father and mother involves taking an active role in their lives as they age by providing for them materially and spiritually. It involves caring for the elderly in our communities — the elderly man who lives alone up the street or the older couple who attends the early morning Mass on Sundays. As Catholics, we are called to do more than live peacefully in private. We are called to be daughters, in our second daughter era, to our community’s elderly.
