Emily Wilson Hussem, author, speaker, musician and YouTuber, has fought tirelessly to defend the truth to women against the lies of our culture. She recently married her Dutch sweetheart and breaks down for us some important questions to ask yourself before jumping into a relationship.
1. What is most important to him?
Does this guy value things of depth and importance—like faith, family and friendships—or are video games, his job or the sport he plays the central focus of his entire life? A man who is ready for a mature dating relationship has the clarity of vision to see what is most important in life. He knows how to balance the different facets of his life in a way that is healthy and good. That’s not to say a guy shouldn’t invest in work or hobbies, but if his life is consumed entirely by them, it is certainly reason for pause and something to take into consideration.
2. Does he share your values or simply tolerate them?
Shared values are a crucial component to a successful and healthy dating relationship. There is a very important difference between dating a guy who embraces and lives your same morals and values and dating a guy who tolerates them, but holds a different value-set and makes different choices based on those values. If you are not on the same page about what is most important to you—in your faith, in your behavior, in your social choices—he is probably not a great fit for you. If you do share in your morals and values, that builds a great foundation for a healthy relationship.
3. How does he speak to and about people?
There’s a seemingly ancient dating tip that encourages women to watch how a man treats the server at a restaurant—and there’s a reason this is a good dating tip! Paying attention to the way a man speaks to people and treats people can tell you an incredible amount about him, without you ever having to ask him anything! Is he kind and charitable toward everyday workers, like servers or the cashier at the grocery store? Does he speak kind and charitable words to and about his parents and to his friends, or is he constantly putting people down? Paying attention to these seemingly small details can reveal a lot about a man’s character, as well as his confidence in himself
4. Is he selfless or self-centered?
Is he constantly concerned about “me, me, me”—or does he take into account the feelings, wants or needs of others? Does he whine and complain when others ask him to help, or is he the first guy to lend a hand or volunteer when it is needed? Self-centered guys are not ready for mature, God-centered relationships because their priorities are not yet in order. When a guy is all about “me, me, me”—there’s hardly any room in a good dating relationship for “us!”
5. Do you like him for who he is, or how he makes you feel?
Those butterfly feelings of excitement at the start of a relationship are wonderful—but they only last for so long! Feelings of excitement and happiness ebb and flow in every relationship—but this is a very important question to consider; are you interested in this guy only because you like the attention he gives you, or do you truly find him interesting and attractive as a person and in his character? Those feelings of excitement may come and go in a relationship, but a man’s character and virtue remain.