As a mother of four, I understand the whirlwind of life with little ones. The days are long, the nights are short, and the moments of quiet are few and far between. Yet, in the midst of this beautiful chaos, my husband and I have found ways to keep the embers of romance glowing. Here’s how we navigate the season of small children while nurturing our marriage.
Bedtime rituals and weekly date nights
Our four little treasures have a bedtime routine that tucks them in by 8 p.m. This sacred time that follows becomes our window to reconnect. We’ve committed to a weekly date night, a practice that has become the heartbeat of our relationship. If a babysitter is elusive, we improvise with a date night in. The kids enjoy their movie time with chicken nuggets or mac and cheese while we indulge in a meal that tantalizes our grown-up palates. It’s our little slice of heaven amidst the routine of parenthood.
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Sacrifice and love
Father Mike Schmitz recently shared an insight that struck a chord with me. He spoke of couples who have wonderful relationships with their grown children but find themselves distant from each other. The reason? They always prioritized their children’s needs over their own relationship. This revelation was a wake-up call. Love grows in the soil of sacrifice, and I decided to plant seeds of love through small, meaningful gestures.
Little sacrifices, big impact
I began to look for ways to make sacrifices that would speak volumes to my husband. Simple acts like cleaning out the car, preparing breakfast and lunch since he works from home, or even dressing up a bit more have become my silent love letters to him. These tiny efforts, seemingly insignificant, have the power to bridge gaps and soften hearts.
Accountability and teamwork
In any relationship, conflicts are inevitable. But it’s how we handle them that can make or break the bond. I’ve learned to take accountability and apologize first — a lesson my husband taught me through his example. It took me 15 years to embrace this wisdom, but it has transformed our arguments into opportunities for growth. We remind ourselves that we’re on the same team, fighting for us and our shared future, not against each other.
Prayer: The heartbeat of marital unity
In the tapestry of marriage, prayer is the thread that weaves two hearts into one. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us, “Where one alone may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken.” My husband and I have found that praying together not only strengthens our faith but also our marital bond. Our attempts to pray together are not always consistent, but every attempt bears fruit. It’s in these moments of shared silence and spoken petitions that we truly become one in spirit.
The Communion of Saints
We also turn to the intercession of Mary and Joseph, and Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin, couples whose love for each other and God is a beacon for married couples. The Martin’s letters to one another are a testament to their profound love and faith, and reading them is like stepping into a sacred space of marital devotion. I highly recommend their correspondence as a source of inspiration for any couple striving to keep their love rooted in Christ.
St. Gianna is a personal patron of mine, a saint who exemplified the beauty of maternal and spousal love. Her life was a testament to the joy of giving oneself for the happiness of the other. I often seek her intercession to help me be a better wife, as she was always looking for ways to make her husband happy. Her example reminds me that the smallest gestures can speak volumes of love.
One of my most beloved sources for marital advice is Elisabeth Elliot’s “Let Me Be a Woman” for its timeless wisdom on the vocation of womanhood and marriage. Her reflections are a guiding light for me, fanning the flames of self-giving love and sacrifice that is the essence of marriage.
In the end, keeping the romance alive doesn’t require grand gestures or exotic getaways. It’s found in the quiet moments after the children’s laughter has faded into dreams, in the shared glances over a simple meal, and in the gentle touch as you pass by each other in the hallway. It’s about making your spouse feel seen, valued and loved every single day. Those little choices are the oil that keeps the torch of love burning through the darkest nights. And when we feel we’ve exhausted all our resources, that is when the grace of the sacrament provides, keeping the oil filled and the lamps burning, just like God did for the widow who fed Elijah and for the Maccabees in Jerusalem.
Remember, the greatest gift we can give our children is the example of a loving, committed relationship. So here’s to love, to sacrifice and to finding romance in the everyday — it’s there, waiting to be rediscovered anew in every season of marriage.
