“Jesus, you are my friend. I trust you, but at the same time, I feel like I am always waiting for my desires to be fulfilled. At this point, I am starting to expect the leftovers.”
There I was, sitting in the adoration chapel, trying my best to relate to Jesus my feelings of disappointment in unanswered prayers. I had asked for and had received many blessings from the Lord. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder, what if this prayer is the one left unanswered? What if I receive the scraps of the graces given out to everyone else? The questions swirled around in my brain, and despite how much trust I thought I had in God, I still felt hesitant. Would I be left with the leftovers?
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While I knew my prayer was honest and real, I also knew that I didn’t know the whole story. That’s the great thing about Jesus, the Author of Life. He takes your viewpoint and honors it. He lets you weep and feels your pain. He listens to your cries of anger, grief or despair, and he holds you in it. He doesn’t discredit your experience no matter how distorted it may be compared to the truest reality. He holds your heart, reverences it, and longs to transform and restore it, if you let him. You just have to give him the space to do so.
A crumb saved just for me
As I returned to the adoration chapel, I brought the words “leftovers” and “crumbs” with me. In the silence, an image of my pastor came to mind. He was in his familiar place standing behind the altar during the Mass. The Eucharist had just been distributed, and he was now completing the process of washing the vessels. He always pays attention to the smallest details — specifically in cleansing of the vessels. Each and every time, he pours water into the chalice and the small metal dish (the paten) that holds Jesus’s body. He swirls the water around, pours it out and then looks intently at the surface to inspect if every last piece has been consumed. More often than not, he examines the dish, presses his finger on the plate to pick up one last crumb, and places it on his tongue to be eaten. He then continues to search for any leftovers with great care making sure they are all accounted for. Not even the smallest speck is allowed to be left behind.
This image struck me immensely. I thought of the many times I’ve seen my priest tap his finger to the paten to consume the last crumb of the Eucharist. How important! This little crumb of the Eucharist holds so much significance. It is full of life, love, glory and power, just as much as a larger piece of the host. There in prayer, Jesus was asking me to compare his crumb to mine:
Perhaps in your own heart, it feels as if you are receiving the leftovers — the crumbs of life — but see this crumb? See what some might perceive to be a simple, worthless speck of dust? See how much potential and how much glory and honor it holds? So with you, my beloved. The crumbs are so much more than their size reveals. They house so much more potential than what meets the eye. They are so full and have the ability to satisfy every desire with a light that shines brighter than the stars in the night sky. This small speck that you see to be worthless is actually priceless. It is far better than you could ever imagine. And it’s been saved just for you.
Challenging our scarcity mindset
As I gently searched a little deeper in my soul, I realized the disposition of my heart was the result of having lived in a state of total scarcity. I knew God had blessed me before. I knew he had provided for me in the past, but I left room for doubt. I believed that surely, one day he’d run out. Either he wouldn’t have enough to give me or he’d choose to give it away to someone else. However, Jesus reoriented my viewpoint to the truth. God can work within our own scarcity, but he is not the scarcity itself.
God’s abundant reservoir is put on display in the Gospel account of the Feeding of the Five Thousand. Matthew’s Gospel reads: “[T]hey said to him, ‘Five loaves and two fish are all we have here.’ Then [Jesus] said, ‘Bring them here to me,’ and he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied, and they picked up the fragments left over — twelve wicker baskets full” (14:17-20).
Jesus knew the desires for the people, and taking the food he was given, he transformed them to be a far greater amount of food than anyone could have ever imagined. The fragments — the leftovers — filled up 12 wicker baskets to the brim, enough to feed everyone and then some.
What I had perceived to be the leftovers, Jesus revealed to be abundant blessings of grace. The tiny crumbs became generous gifts intentionally prepared by him.
Leftovers as seen through the eyes of the eternal are not leftovers at all. Giving us the scraps has never crossed the Lord’s mind.
The Father provides abundantly
Jesus shows us this reality when he says: “Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him” (Mt 7:9-11).
The Father provides, and he provides abundantly, however we must have open hands and create space in our hearts ready to receive. We must open our eyes in wonder to the ever-persistent love and power of God, which knows no boundaries or limits. He sees our needs and he provides accordingly. Just as the Eucharist is given to us each day as our daily bread, so, too, will God give us everything else that we need to follow his holy will.
May we have eyes of faith to see our Father as he truly is — our protector and provider — and trust that, in his arms, we could never be left unsatisfied.
